Funny Letters:
Company Complaint Part II

Funny Letters, anyone?

Here is dry humor at it's best, folks!

If you didn't yet read the beginning of this particular funny letter of complaint, please click here.
Letter continues.....

I know you will want to know what happened last evening...

I will not bore you with the details because I am sure you are busy and besides, as my wife says: you are a man of few words - you always get right to the point.

Last evening we invited a few friends over, well actually we had invited them prior to last evening, but last evening was the night for which they were invited. When they came, they praised our stove, as many do, and they praised our intelligence in that we had removed all of the knobs so that the young ones could not turn the stove on at such time we did not want it on. We promoted this idea, of course, being somewhat embarrassed at having a knobless stove.

You can always be sure your sins will find you out.

My wife began to cook the taxeririnee and, that was the exact point at which we became knobless. Well, here we were, having promoted the idea that we, foresightedly and intelligently, removed the knobs to hinder our children's playfulness, and all of a sudden, the game's over.

Unfortunately, the knob broke in the off position, so there was nothing we could do but confess to our guests that we had committed a small faux pas. (One fellow thought a "faux pas" was an hors d'oeuvre, but the other gently clued him in.)

Our dinner party could definitely not be classed as a success.

My wife ended up tear staining her evening gown, and I gallantly took over and served the guests shredded wheat, which is one of my favorites, but was not received with the warm acclaim we had hoped for.

I have a feeling our problems are not over. What really got me motivated to write this letter with some dispatch is the fact that with no way to use this stove, I had to eat left-over vichyssoise and ice cream for breakfast this morning.

I am not looking forward to lunch.

Earlier when the other knobs broke, I checked with the local distributor, House of Kitchens in Valpo, Indiana. On three different occasions, they promised to try to attain the knobs and let us know. We have never heard from them. I am wondering now if you could help me with my problem.

I have tried other knobs on the stove - nothing works.

* I tried the knob from the air conditioner and the kitchen got as cool as the food.

* I tried the knob from the refrigerator and found my oven to be frost free, but frost in my oven had not been a problem before, so this was not considered by me to be an improvement.

* I tried the knob from our stereo. It would turn the burner on, but the cake racks rattled on anything above high C.

My wife suggested using the knob from my head, but this was as inconvenient as vichyssoise for breakfast.

If you can give me some assistance in the form of some nice, neat, new knobs, I would be sufficiently appreciative and would write you a short thank you note.

I would, of course, be willing to pay through the nose for same.

I am now paying through the stomach for not having them.

Below I have listed all the numbers I can find in and around the stove.

Stove model number: PG 565 113
Serial number: 0101318
Knob numbers: 106585,106502

Thank you in advance for any help you can give me on this matter.

Hungrily yours,
Alvin J. Haytha

Lest you think funny letters won't get a serious response from the company, click here to read the lightening fast response from Waste King Universal!

(Considering they only had snail mail in 1971, a response dated 4 days after the letter was typed and mailed would be considered pretty incredible by any account!)

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The Knobless Stove - Part I

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