Got your own stories of funny bathroom humor that centers around young children? I'd love to hear them! First, though, you've got to read about this poor mortified mother and what she went through with her talkative toddler in the ladies room. Just imagine!!
A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.
By Shannon Popkin
My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He
loves to communicate and does it quite well. He talks to people
constantly, whether we are in the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window.
People often comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And you never have to ask him to turn up the volume.
It's always fully cranked. There have been several embarrassing
times that I've wished the meaning of his words would have been
masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco.
Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature
called, so I took Cade
me into the restroom. If you'd been one
of the ladies in the
that evening, this is what you would have
heard coming from the
to the last stall:
"Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh!
Why are you putting toiwet
on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down
on da toiwet paper now?
Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you
gonna go stinkies on the potty?"
At this point I started mentally counting how
many women had been
the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls
were full .... 4? 5?
Maybe we could wait until they all left
before I had to make my
out of this stall and reveal my identity.
Cade continued: "Mommy, you ARE
going stinkies aren't you? Oh,
good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some
candy for going stinkies
on the potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy!
Oh...Mommy! I'm trying to see in dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some candy!"
I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the
stalls on either side
me. Where is a screaming new born when you
need her? Good grief.
was really getting embarrassing. I was
definitely waiting a long
before exiting. Trying to divert him, I said,
"Why don't you look
Mommy's purse and see if you can find
some candy. We'll both have some!"
No, I'm trying to see doze more
He started to gag at this point.
"Uh - oh, Mommy. I fink I'm
gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies
making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!"
As the gags became louder, so did the
chuckles outside my stall.. I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of
changing the subject. I began to reason with myself:
OK. There are four other
toilets. If I count four flushes, I can
be reasonably assured that those who overheard this embarrassing
monologue will be long gone.
"Mommy! Would you get off the potty,
now? I want you to be done
stinkies! Get up! Get up!"
He grunted as he tried to pull me off. Now I
could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet
outside my door.
"Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking
under da door? What were you wooking at? Mommy? You wooking at the
More laughter. I stood inside the locked door
and tried to assess
situation."Mommy, it's time to
wash our hands, now. We have to go
now, Mommy.'' He started pounding on
the door. ''Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands? I want to go
I saw that my wait 'em out' plan was
unraveling. I sheepishly
the door, and found standing outside my
stall, twenty to thirty
ladies crowded around the stall, all smiling and
starting to applaud.
My first thought was complete embarrassment,
then I thought,
the fine print on the 'motherhood
contract' where I signed away
bit of my dignity and privacy? But as my
little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap
between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away
again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.
(Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and
mother of three. She lives with her family in Grand Rapids , Michigan ,
where she no longer
public restrooms.) ~ via email
You must pass this on to all the mothers who have had embarrassing moments with their children. Isn't it great to be a parent!!!
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And remember - those cherubic little faces that you kiss at night as they're falling asleep - can in a brief span of time have you either belly laughing or clutching your mouth in dismay at the funny bathroom humor they come up with - without even trying!
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